Overcoming the fear of the unknown. It’s been 12 years since I’ve been home. Procrastination? Lack of time? Nothing to visit? No reason to be there? Just fear, it’s like when you hype up something for so long in your head, you keep building it up until you make yourself afraid of taking that initial chance. Kind of like losing your virginity. 

The last time I was home, it wasn’t good. My mother was having an episode and at 16, I ended up having to greyhound to my aunts place in Santa Cruz, that day and that 6 hour bus ride was one I’ve tried to get out of my head for years. So here I am today, happily married, planning for a future, making preparations for our future family. All the meanwhile theres this nagging anxiety in the back of my mind, knowing its my duty, with all the work I’ve done on myself throughout these years, mental growth, emotional growth and processes to drop my blame, victimization and learning to live with PTSD …